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Piku-- Hello. I am Piku. I am 15, Bi-Gender, Lesbian, and i try and live life in the present rather than the past or the future. As of the present, i switch from being a boy to a girl. When i am being a boy, i will prosent myself to you all as Neff. When i am being a girl, i will prosent myself as Piku. 

Now that intros are over. This is my first journal entry on this site. I will do my best not to bore you to death with my story. 

Im in love with my both of my best friends, Tobbi and Jamie. Me and Jamie have been friends since 4th grade. I plan on asking her out when i get back from my dad. She is bisexual so my chances of going out with her are high... i hope. My second best friend who i trust like no one else in the world is named, Tobbi. She and i have been friends since... 5th grade i think? We call each other all the time and tell each other everything. 

Tobbi is the first person i've told about being Bi-Gender so far. Telling her was easy because we are used to telling each other things but... i dont know i to tell my family about this. I have no idea how to even start a coversation about something like this. I kinda feel like it doesn't really matter but it's killing me to keep it a secret from them (even though i hide a lot of stuff from them). I just want to walk around in male clothing without being asked questions like, "What ya' all dressed up for?" or "What are you wearing?". My friend Tobbi might be able to help me come up with a way to tell them. 

I relised i was Bisexual before i went totally Lesbian. I turned bi in 7th grade when i first relised i had a crush a my friend, Jamie. Then i went totally over to  me as of now before school ended in May when i graduated 8th grade. I love both Jamie and Tobbi. But im turn between them. Jamie is more sexually invalved with her relationships and i think she just doesn't care, she just wants sex. While Tobbi is Asexual, or so she says, and i dont want to force her into anything but i also dont want to give up on her. 

I knoe how adults are always saying, "Your gonna miss being younge. Being an Adult is hard." Well, being 15 is hard to. Every day is like an emotional rollercoster. My parents exspect me to be the perfect little girl i was born as but what the fuck! Maybe i dont want to be a girl all the time? Maybe i want to be a boy somedays. But how do i tell them that? Just walk in the living room with dude cloths on and be like, "Hey mom. Sup dad. Im gonna be a guy today." and then walk out the door? No! I dont thinks its that simple. *sigh* Im tired of waiting to find courage to speak about how i feel. Im tired of having to staight the odvious to those blinded by sterotypical childhood teachings. Im just tired of everyone. 

Today was fathers day... well technicly yesterday was since its 4am. So, happy fathers day to all the fathers that probably aren't reading this XD. 

At my school everyone is all about the country  and hunting shit and im the odd ball that likes Techno and Gaming. Im in the school band. I play Saxophone and percuction (cant spell. sorry ;-;). I march with the band. I am part of the color guard so im in front spinning a flag around. 

Now, about nornal school days. When i want to dress like a guy and go to school, im scared to. I dont want to be made fun of. But it makes me sick when i have to go the school dressed how everyone exspects a girl to dress (we dont can a dress code). I want to just be able to go where ever dress like who ever i want to be. I like in trapped in a box. And i want nothing more than to be out of this box and into the light. Where everyone can see me for who i am. Im not just a girl in a box hiding from the world. Not for long.

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